Home Movies

Pretty much everyone I know has home movies of when they were kids. This is basically video footage that doesn't seem that thrilling, or even interesting, at the time it was taken, but looking at it now, 20+ years later, is usually better than the latest and greatest blockbuster comedy.

My mother-in-law was the Steven Spielberg of home movies. I say she was the Spielberg because #1 she took (a LOT of) great footage and #2 the antics of my husband and brothers-in-law are just as goofy and hilarious as those seen in a Spielberg film such as "The Goonies" or "ET". She told me once that she took so much video because otherwise, people wouldn't believe the shenanigans her three boys got into. This is very true.

Whenever we watch her home movies, we first a) go to the bathroom (so we won't wet ourselves during the viewing) and b) grab some Kleenex because we will laugh to the point of uncontrollable tears. We love these home movies so much that Kyle and I bought her a VHS to DVD converter a few years ago so that she can transfer all the movies onto DVD and make copies to give to all of us.

My sister and I don't have a lot of footage because when we were kids, the video cameras were bulky, their battery power was iffy, and the technology was poor. That, and my dad didn't want to fool with hauling a video camera, plus accessories, all over the world (literally), especially since he thought that we should enjoy the moment and not stand behind a camera the entire time. We do have some footage of a few family trips that were taken during the years my interest in cinematography peeked, when I was around 8 or 9, and I decided I would be responsible for the video camera and its cables, batteries, tapes, etc.

However, the footage from our trips is largely forgettable. What isn't forgettable, however, are the few home movies that my friends and I made, at home, on a whim.

The greatest of these was created when my childhood best friend (BFF & fake twin sister, to be exact) and I decided that we needed to film our own version of the book-turned-movie "Anne of Green Gables."

Because I was skinny and full of freckles (much like Anne), it was decided that I would play the part of Anne. My friend, Rebecca, would be Aunt Marilla as well as various other characters, and we found a large, white teddy bear in the attic to play the stoic character Uncle Matthew.

With minimal set design, extremely bad lighting and zero stage direction, we propped the camera up on some books on the living room coffee table and launched our film noir version of "Anne of Green Gables." Our version was so impromptu that we even kept a copy of the book on the couch, so (while the camera was still rolling) we could check the book to remember what was supposed to happen next. As you can imagine, our rendition was quite cohesive.

The filming went about as well as you might expect for two 9-year-old girls, some junk found in the attic, and an Oscar-contending white teddy bear. There are moments that we forget the camera is rolling and just start to play. There are moments where we start to argue over what happens next, or who said what.

However, I will never, ever, forget the scene where Uncle Matthew dies.

In the book, as well as in the actual movie, Uncle Matthew is working in the field, collapses and dies from cardiac arrest. Anne sees this and runs out to him. He is mourned and buried. It is all very dramatic and this all takes place well after the reader/viewer has formed an emotional attachment to Matthew for he is a lovable character--quiet, hardworking, and very caring towards Anne.

In our version, however, Matthews' death goes a little differently. If my memory is correct, the scene starts out with someone unceremoniously stating, "OK, so now Matthew is supposed to die."

Matthew-the-teddy-bear, who has been propped up on the back of the living room couch throughout the entire movie, then becomes center stage. Rebecca, as stage hand, goes over to him and pokes his side, causing him to fall over. I, as Anne, rush to his side and begin to lament over the fact that he has fallen in the field. I believe you can hear Rebecca's voice in the background telling to me perform CPR, and we may attempt it, I don't remember.

However, I do remember this:

Once it's determined that Matthew is no longer with us, Rebecca seals his fate by walking over to him, grabbing his paw with her fingertips and stating in a rather high-pitched, matter-of-fact tone (the same tone she used consistently for the part of Aunt Marilla), "Oh, he's already cold."

We lose it.

The show, at this point, cannot go on.

Her actions and tone are too funny and we erupt into a fit of giggles. I try to regain my composure to deliver my next lines and cannot. Rebecca, who probably didn't realize how funny her statement was until this point, also fails to continue with her lines and all we can do is laugh and laugh. We do manage to get it together long enough to end the film, but at that point, what little cohesion the movie had has now completely dissolved.

There may have been a funeral. There may have been a moment where I hold up a strand of pearls and say something about how they were such a wonderful gift from Matthew and how he was much loved. There may have been a moment when my dog, Maggie, walked through and carried Matthew-the-teddy-bear away.

It has been said that the movie is never as good as the book. Well, this is one instance where I must disagree. It remains, to this day, one of the greatest movies of all time.